I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
