they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
