Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize