Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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