I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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