They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
