nut hugger
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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