walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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