i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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