I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize