please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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