I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
