Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
