oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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