i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
