WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
