So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
