I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
