I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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