idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
