Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
