how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
