Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize