Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
