I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
