Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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