I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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