I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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