dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
