i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Boobs speak an international language.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
