do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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