i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
