I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
