i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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