If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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