There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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