hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
