your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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