I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
