Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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