He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
