he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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