So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize