There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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