my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
