I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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