Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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