well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
