The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize