It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
