Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize