Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
