the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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