My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
