I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
