No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
