Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
