i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize