he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
