Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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