i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
