if i can run in heels then i can drive
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
