This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
