dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
