Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
