my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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