his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
