Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
