my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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