Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
