Tell her she can't have a vagina
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
