Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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